Dein Haar unten lassen
by Kobal
Summary: Funny what a simple thought can do. A collection of LaviXLenalee semi-unconnected stories.
1. Chapter 1

**Kobal: I do not own D. Gray Man…yet. **

**Kanda: Keep dreaming. **

**Kobal: Okay, second fan fiction, so don't be too harsh. **

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**London Bridges…Falling Down

Showers were a luxury at the Black Order. Lenalee had always known this; she felt it too: the hot drizzle running gently down her back, the calming steam making the air warm and sticky all around her…But, it was lonely. (Not that she was enthralled with the idea of there being lots of naked women in the shower along with herself.)

After all, there were only a few female exorcists in the world that she was aware of. (Her first thought was that Innocence might be sexist.) She and Miranda were the only exorcists at the Order last she knew; there were Finders though, but they all called her _Miss _Lenalee. This, made any conversation very awkward on Lenalee's end. 

Lenalee sighed as she ran a hand through her wet hair; the water seemed to get just a little bit colder. _I hope Miranda doesn't think she has to ask permission to take a shower…_She wanted to think that Allen and herself had made some form of impact on the young woman's emotions' stability. Lenalee decided to go ask Miranda if she wanted to go shopping or something after her hair was done drying. 

Unless, Komui was going to send a giant robot after her again. That would be bad; the cities in Europe couldn't take any more robot-inflicted damage. Lenalee did laugh at the thought of the Science Department running around trying to stop her maddened brother, at Allen with an octopus clinging tightly to his head, and poor Lavi hit my one of Komui's blow-darts. (Maybe it was better that she never even leave the Order.) 

No. That was not an option. 

The water that was pooling around Lenalee's feet was growing colder, and her toes probably already resembled prunes. Showers had that "dreamy" effect on her. Where part of her mind focused on cleaning herself, and the other…what _had_ she been thinking about? (What had she been wanting to?) 

"Don't ask questions to which you already know the answer." Lenalee said out loud, only to realize that it was something a person would say to you when they didn't want to answer your question. Lenalee reached for the moist metal and shut off the water. If she went out, would they come after her- to look after her, or to look after the city? That was selfish of her- painfully obvious too. The truth was, Lenalee _wanted_ someone to look after her, to protect her out of affection not obsession. (And have them _not_ get hit with any blow-darts in the process. 

Lenalee blushed deeply as her heart jolted almost painfully. _Funny what a simple thought can do. Damn that wasn't fair. _Relationships weren't supposed to work that way; if things were totally one-sided, she would just end up…losing another piece of her world. 

Lenalee's fist came in hard contact with the tile of the shower. When did she begin getting so angry at this? (What was "this" anyway?) Sure, she _wanted_ to be around Lavi- God knows she _loved_ it- but there was no way things could work out. That was most certainly a given. Not if she never stepped across the threshold of a crush and admitted how she fel- 

Hell no! This was not _her_ fault- she had made all the right advances- it was Lavi! Fuck her hesitation, it was Lavi that wasn't making an advance, it was Lavi who was hesitating, and it was Lavi whose feelings she should be questioning- not herself. 

Lenalee took a bold step out of the shower, reached for a towel, and at a knock on the door, stumbled (ungracefully) back into the shower, clinging to its curtain in an attempt to cover herself. Why were shower curtains practically see-through? 

"Occupied!" Lenalee called in desperation, regaining her balance. One knock and her whole sense of accomplishment and pride went down the drain with the soapy water. 

"Lenalee?" 

_Oh…frack…_

"Lavi? What are you- hey wait! This is a _girl's _bathroom, how did you get in?" 

"I have a key." 

Lenalee could already see the smirk on Lavi's face. _Of course, he's got a key. _(Did she expect anything less? No. That too, was a given.) Well, this did seem like something he was capable of. Only, Lenalee had never pictured herself in this position. Physically, and psychologically. "W-what do you want?" 

Lavi paused for a moment, pretending to be deep in thought, than said simply, "For this door to open very easily, and preferably, without the use of this key." 

Lenalee had never scowled and giggled at the same time, so it was a first for her. No one should ever be able to be humorous and flirty at the same time. Not with her anyway, Komui had made sure of that for many years. But her obsessive brother was, conveniently, not here right now. 

It would be alright for her to show up in a towel, right? Lenalee slowly picked up her towel as the cautiously crept out of the shower. The sheltered part of her said to get fully dressed, while the part that was totally loving this said to simply open the door while in her under-garments. Lenalee had found a happy medium in the fluffy towel, and that was as good or _bad,_ as it was going to get. 

Lenalee hurriedly wiped the dripping water off her body and wrapped the towel around her body holding it over her chest with a tightly clenched (surprisingly sweaty) hand. In two strides she had made it to the door, and was shaking like a wet cat, her heart was beating faster than ever, and Lavi was outside the shower stall's door. Lenalee let that last one sink in a bit. 

"Are you ready to open the door now, Lenalee?" Lavi asked- like he had no idea how hard this was for her. 

Never the less, Lenalee summoned enough strength to pull open the door and (much to her own amazement) meet Lavi's green gaze. 

He was blushing like a tomato. 

Lavi, was _blushing _at _her._

Lenalee tried to let _that_ sink in. And it did; the look on Lavi's face sunk so deep into Lenalee's heart that she just knew there would be no more hesitations on her part. She was aware of how she felt, completely aware. So, when Lavi stepped forward and kissed Lenalee roughly and as though Komui might see them at any minute, Lenalee knew how she would respond: kiss back with as much reassurance as a girl her age could offer. She would reassure him that if Komui saw them, she would destroy any "mechanical hybrid from Hell" that was sent their way; she would reassure him that if Bookman saw them, she would make any kind of sacrifice that was asked of her; finally, Lenalee reassured Lavi that he was not making a mistake by doing this. ("This," was still without a title.) 

Lavi pulled away first however, a sad look on his face- enough to break Lenalee's heart if his next words were what she feared they'd be. "You know…I only came in here for toothpaste…" 

Bam. Like a horse carriage. A very sarcastic one. 

"Lavi!" Lenalee cried indignantly. 

"But you know…" Lavi said slowly, leaning so close his lips were brushing against Lenalee's suddenly flaming shoulder. "The toothpaste can wait." His hands carefully dancing around Lenalee's elbow, sending warm chills up and down her arm. 

"You still should've brushed your teeth before you kissed me." Lenalee mumbled coyly, surprised at her ability to form sentences when she was practically melting under Lavi's touch; at this rate, her legs were surely going to give out. 

Then suddenly Lavi's lips were on hers, his tongue patiently seeking entry, and Lenalee gave it to him. (She had just decided, her first kiss being stolen only moments ago, that she really liked this.) Lenalee was however, so lost in the passionate moment of hot tongues and her heart skipping beats at a time, that she didn't realize that her "happy medium" had slipped (with the help of Lavi's hands) off her body and on to the floor- and that the door was till open. Until, that is, she heard a muffled cry from an innocent passerby in the hallway. 

"Ahh!" Lenalee shrieked as she tugged herself from Lavi's arms and dragged her body behind the door. "Are you crazy!" She hissed at the content and smirking Lavi. "Someone saw us!" (Funny how insecure she was in practice while so determined and mature in theory.) 

"Oh, it's no big deal." Lavi said, giving a you-know-enjoyed-it grin. "There's nothing wrong with being seen is there? After all, it was only Miranda." 


	2. Chapter 2

**Kobal: You have no idea how nervous I was writing this. **

**Kanda: Well, you're not a very good writer, so I gather you are nearly in a coma? **

**Kobal: Pushes Kanda down a hole **

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Part of the Deal

Lavi's fists were clenched together so tightly they were going numb. What was Lenalee thinking, going after the Level Three all by herself? Lavi didn't want to think of all the bad things that might've happened to her…death being the worst. The mere thought of the girl's body, sinking, bleeding and broken to the bottom of the- _No! _This was too painful. The dark parts of his mind began imagining more scenarios, all pointing to the same conclusion: this would be his fault. 

No matter what the outcome would be, suppose Lenalee survived- suppose she didn't, he would always regret not going after her. It was supposed to be romantic when a person chases after their lover, (was that really how her thought of Lenalee?) but this wasn't the same. There was nothing romantic about this, (whatever "this" was.) Right now, "this" was an intense pain in his heart -yes- his heart that made him hurt like nothing else could. Lenalee was that pain. 

There was nothing he could do but sit and wait, and make the pain worse. The thought of Lenalee dying because of him was sickening. Bookman would never blame him, this Lavi was sure of; how could Lavi be blamed for the death of someone whose existence would never be known to any more people than the ones at the Order- there was no sense in that. Allen would be sad too, sure, he would never hate Lavi for it, but if he did, Allen would keep it to himself (which would probably be worse.) Kanda on the other hand, would more than willingly show how royally pissed he would be if Lenalee were to die; Lavi would never be able to look him in the eyes. 

Forget about them! How would Lavi ever be able to look in a mirror again? Knowing the person he cared most for had been erased from the pages of history- no _his world._ It would be all his fault. 

Lavi stood up. Lenalee was not going to die, not as long as his arms and legs were still connected to his body, not as long as he could still activate his Innocence, and his heart still beat within his chest. _But a Bookman was not supposed to have a heart. _Those words made his blood curdle. Lavi knew he would someday have to choose between his heart, and becoming a Bookman…but he didn't think it would hurt so much. 

A painful thought crossed his mind: _I should've never kissed her._ Instantly Lavi regretted thinking it. Not only did he love Lenalee, she was a hell of a good kisser, and Lavi _wanted _her in his life. More than he had wanted to become a Bookman. He became Bookman's apprentice out of boredom and distaste for the human race; he fell in love with Lenalee out of unconsciousness and lack of human contact- human touch. Truth was, Lavi _wanted__Lenalee_ more than he wanted anything. He wanted to touch her heart the way she had his the first time he laid eyes on her. Hell, Lavi wanted to touch _her, _to Hell with her heart. (Lavi suddenly mentally smacked himself for that one.) 

Three seconds more and he would have made it off the ship. Three fucking seconds and ten or so fucking sailors were keeping him for going to were Lenalee was. "Get off!" Lavi cried as the sailors held him grounded to the boat. Away from were Lenalee was. They were holding him back, stopping him from finding the person he loved most in the world. As far as he knew, his arms and legs were still attached to his body, he had activated his Innocence, and the adrenaline mixed with rage told Lavi his heart was still in his chest…meaning, he could still protect Lenalee. 

Enlarging his Innocence, Lavi was able to throw off the sailors. Now he had to deal with Miranda; but there were more important things here! Was he the only one who saw that? Of course, _he_ was the only one who would loose his entire world should Lenalee die. Oh, shit. Now she was hugging him! Why did she have to do that? Now Miranda was making Lavi feel worse about…everything: Lenalee, himself, and those sailors whom he obviously hadn't hit hard enough as they were now already on their feet and ready to pounce again if need be. 

Miranda wanted to bandage him, to make him wait longer! This couldn't happen. Not now. Not while Lenalee's life was _still _in danger! The way these people could kill time was so pathetic it made Lavi sick inside- it reminded him of why he had wanted to become Bookman's apprentice in the first place.

But then they had let him go. Miranda's pleas had gone unheard, (or unheeded, more like) and Lavi flew away. _Finally. _He thought as the clammy chill of the salty air crept down his neck. He was going to save Lenalee. He _had _to. His world depended on it, his happiness, and, hell…what was left? What would be left of him? He was just…a human being, after all. These were the thoughts that sprinted through Lavi's mind when he saw a green-glowing, glass "coffin," being held up by an akuma; Lavi felt his heart lurch painfully at the very sight of it. 

xXx

There was no better feeling than that of Lenalee back in his arms, safe; crying, but safe. 

"Am I still…in the world?" 

Those simple words practically _broke_ Lavi's heart. Lenalee had been fighting so hard…just to stay in "the world?" (Their world?) The idea of Lenalee wanting to survive for him…was that how she felt? Probably not. If that were the case, and their world was worth living for, than Lenalee should never have been so eager to take on the Level Three in the first place. 

But yes…for her to be, _alive_ was good enough. His world would keep on spinning now. As long as she was alive. As long as she was still alive, Lavi would be too. So even when the crowds around them began to thin, and Lenalee (with assistance) was standing and frowning at the chopped length of her hair, Lavi still stood at her side, red in the cheeks and eyes; incredibly thankful. 

xXx

Bookman had noticed something that disturbed him greatly, and that was Lavi's constant "magnetic cling" to Lenalee. Wherever she went, the redhead was sure to follow. Bookman was not pleased. He would raise inquiry about this…in the morning- not when the sun was no longer visible. 

When Lavi was sure that Bookman was asleep, he crept out of his bed, as carefully as possible. (Lavi had never liked the idea of sleeping on a rocking boat, and now that he had experienced it first hand, he decided to follow his gut more often. For example, when Lenalee had asked him to meet her on the deck as soon as Bookman fell asleep, Lavi had made up his mind in less than a second.) 

The salty air that greeted Lavi on the deck was cold and practically _felt_ wet. Lavi shivered as he peered around the deck, searching for Lenalee. 

"Psst!" Lenalee hissed from the right flank of the boat; she was hidden by barrels and it was hard for Lavi to navigate his way around them, but when he did, the first thing Lavi did was pull a rather surprised Lenalee into a tight hug, (something he could never do while under the scornful eye of Bookman.) "H-Hey, Lavi, are you okay?" Lenalee asked in a worried tone. It occurred to Lenalee that this was the first time the two of them had been together…alone…since, well, they actually _hadn't _gotten a chance to be alone together while on this ship. 

"Fine if you are." Lavi said pulling back and grinning happily. He was too happy to explain in simple words how happy he felt right now, with Lenalee- she looked damn beautiful with her short hair and the starry night surrounding her. 

"That's good." Lenalee said as she closed her fingers around Lavi's belt and dragged him closer, into a passionate kiss that could only be amplified by the atmosphere. It was true, Lenalee was so perfectly happy that she didn't mind Lavi taking control of the kiss (in doing so taking control of her entire body) and moving his hands around her waist. 

Lenalee moaned softly when their lips parted, but gave an encouraging gasp as Lavi's mouth moved to her neck where he somehow knew all the ways to give her goose-bumps. Lavi moved his hands gently across Lenalee's stomach, despite the fact she _still_ had her clothes on, the moment Lavi touched her, she felt the strength leave her legs and the air leave her lungs as she practically threw herself against him. 

"Y-You know," she managed to get out, "I only wanted you opinion on my new haircu-" But Lavi wouldn't let her finish. Lenalee made a squeak as Lavi pushed her against the railing roughly as he attacked her right ear seductively. Lenalee was unable to let out any more than a moan or gasp after that. But she knew, if they continued like this, she would never be able to tell Lavi what she had really wanted to. "L-Lavi, wait." She said sternly. 

Looking slightly like a saddened puppy, Lavi backed off, but still kept his hands around Lenalee's waist. "You shouldn't interrupt me when I'm doing such marvelous work." He said gently. 

Lenalee felt herself blush like a beet, or any other red vegetable for that matter. "I-I want to tell you s-something. But you have to promise not to laugh at me…or stop kissing me when I'm done, okay?" 

"That's not going to be much of a problem, but sure." Lavi smirked. 

Lenalee took a deep breath. "I'm sorry." She said; it was somewhat easier than she had expected. "I'm sorry that I'm making you choose between becoming a Bookman and well…me." Lenalee moved Lavi's hands from her waist and pushed them back to his sides. "I'm sorry if I worried you, by going after the…L-Level Three…I wasn't trying to hurt you, really. B-Because, you're the last person I'd ever want to hurt…'cause…I…do you have any idea how weird it is for me to say this?" 

Lavi smiled handsomely and devilishly at the same time, "No, but I'm having fun watching you try." 

Lenalee felt her face grow warmer, (if that was at all possible.) "I j-just want you to know that I…damn it Lavi- I love you." 

"Hmm…you could've fooled me." Lavi said, and (still smirking) leaned into Lenalee and gave her a gentle kiss.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kobal: 'Kaaaaayyyy…I was seriously spazzing out trying to write this. Like the Marty-Feldman-has-nothing-on-me kind pf spaz. **

**Kanda (from inside the hole): Go to Hell! **

**Kobal: Shut up or else I'll write a bad Kanda-OC fic. **

**Kanda: You wouldn't dare. **

**Kobal: Bite me. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Kobal: Hmm…I actually had a lot of fun writing this. **

**Kanda: Che. Pathetic. **

**Kobal: Says the samurai stuck down a hole. Tell Sanosuke Harada I said "hi." (Sorry, inside joke.) Oh, and the **_**italics **_**are flashbacks. **

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Ain't it Funny

_Lavi was incredibly board. Having to memorize this certain battle that he was positive had nothing to do with Noah at this time of night was a cruel punishment on Bookman's part. The warmth of the library combined with the musty smell of the ancient books was making him sleepy. Lavi stretched himself out over the large desk like a large red cat and yawned. Some of the things Bookman was asking of him recently were simply unnecessary. _

_Lavi turned the book's page lazily. Yuu was out on a mission, and so was Allen…but Lenalee wasn't! This realization perked Lavi up considerably. But than again, she was most likely asleep already; he was probably too late to catch her. Or kiss her…_

"_Lavi?" A Lenalee gently asked as she made her way around the mountains of books surrounding Lavi and finally made it to the front of the desk, a tray with a single cup of coffee balancing perfectly despite her awkward movements. "I-I'm glad you're still awake…I made you some coffee." Lenalee quickly and, looking rather embarrassed, passed Lavi the coffee. _

_It occurred to Lavi how adorable Lenalee was when she was nervous; bringing him coffee! So cute and innocent. "Thanks," Lavi said and took a sip of the warm liquid. (Komui was actually right, Lenalee did make the best coffee.) He suddenly felt as though he had enough energy to take on the Earl all by himself. Well, maybe it wasn't just the coffee…Lenalee was making him feel more awake than Bookman when he gave him a sharp kick to the head. That was just the kind of person she was. _

"_You're welcome." Lenalee said kindly; her face was still red though. But that bugged Lavi a bit: the fact that she was so nervous around him, when they were alone. After all, he had already kissed her. She had kissed back. _

"_No, really…" Lavi said, setting the coffee mug down and standing up rather suddenly, making Lenalee take a step back. Lavi wanted to convince her that there was no need to be so nervous; he loved her, and he'll be damned if he was giving off any other kind of vibe. Lavi practically lunged across the desk and snaked his arm under Lenalee's, pulling her forward onto the desk, and onto his lips. _

_Lenalee's eyes went wide with shock, and at first she wouldn't open her mouth the slightest bit. Lavi fixed this by gently stroking the right side of her neck with his available right arm. Lenalee slowly opened her mouth and Lavi took full advantage of it. He wanted to show Lenalee that he loved her, and that he wanted to be with her; she could be nervous, but not with him. _

_Lavi was unpredictable by nature, Lavi wanted Lenalee to know this, even if it meant kissing her the library, where they could be seen. (Well, since there was no one else in the library, they really couldn't be seen, but Lavi figured that so long as Lenalee didn't know that, she would still feel the thrill of possibility.) _

_Lenalee was an exceptionally good kisser, Lavi knew; the way she would always let him have most of the control, but would pick up anywhere he was slacking Lavi found really…hot. Especially now, Lenalee's gentle moaning as Lavi nibbled the side of her lips, her painful posture over the desk, her long dark hair undone and laying around her shoulders like silk…everything about her Lavi loved, and he wanted her to know that. She had to know that. _

_Lavi began pulling Lenalee closer, but upon realizing the desk was preventing her from moving any further, Lavi decided it was a good idea to lift his knee onto the desk and bring himself closer to Lenalee. In doing so, Lavi felt Lenalee's breath hitch suddenly as he found his hand that had once been stroking her neck slide down a bit lower until it settled on her breast. Lenalee jolted forward, knocking her teeth into Lavi's, causing him to pull back, and in doing so…_

_Well, at least he wouldn't have to do his reading any more._

"_Lavi! The coffee!" _

Bookman stared at Lavi coldly; his eyes looked incredibly venomous against the black skin around them. Telling Lavi "he was the successor of Bookman- nothing else" would be pointless. The to-be-successor was just sitting in the chair before him, grinning like an idiot- obviously not listening to a thing the old man was saying because his mind was off remembering something totally irrelevant and most likely perverted. 

"Lavi," Bookman began. _Make these words stick, _he thought. "Don't forget out goal." 

"Geez Gramps…" Lavi said dully. "You make it sound like I'm going to abandon my duty as the Bookworm's apprentice." Lavi raked his hand through his mess of red hair. "We are on a boat, going to Edo- where we might never return from, might I add- what would make me change my mind?" 

Bookman sighed. Maybe this was just a bad conjecture on his part; after all, Lavi had followed him this far, why would he stop now? What could be a sufficient reason for him to abandon everything they had been doing all these years past before the Noah reappeared. Nothing. Bookman was satisfied. 

"Hey, Gramps," Lavi asked, standing up, and grinning, "would it be possible to get some coffee?" 

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kobal: And this concludes chapter 3…**

**Kanda: Che. **

**Kobal: Shall I toss you some rope? Or are you content to try and scale the side of the hole all by yourself? It's very deep…**

**Kanda: I don't need the help of the person who pushed me down here! **

**Kobal: Okay then, good luck Yuu-chan. Remember, reviews make my world go 'round. **


	4. Chapter 4

"Lenalee, pass me that sack of potatoes will you

**Kobal: Oh god, oh god, oh god! I am so unbelievably sorry! First I stop writing for so long, and now I come back with my smallest chapter yet! I am very, very sorry. **

**Kanda: You had better be. **

**Kobal: Actually, it's all his fault. The second that bastard climbed out of that seemingly-bottomless hole, he killed my Muse. **

**Kanda: What the f-?**

**Kobal: You know, the little glowing squirrel that always hangs around me. **

**Kanda: You have been playing too many video games. **

**Kobal: Oh! I haven't done a disclaimer since chapter one! Okay, regretfully, I do not own D. Gray Man, if I did, there would be more female exorcists- ones cooler than Lenalee. **

'Thoughts'

_Flashbacks_

**Kobal: Let there be story!**

Infected

"Lenalee, pass me that sack of potatoes will you." Anita asked.

"Sure." Lenalee said as she reached down and handed the large bag to Anita. Life at sea was treating Lenalee fine: she didn't get seasick, the only akuma around was Chomesuke, and as long as she stayed clear of Bookman- she was with Lavi. (The word "with" being the one she remembered the most.)

_Lavi dropped Lenalee gently on the bed as he landed on top of her; lips locked on hers he moved his hands all over her body, awakening moans and gasps when he touched her-_

"No, Lenalee, these are the carrots." Anita said with a sigh. "I think the potatoes are over in the sleeping quarters. We are on a tight schedule, would you mind…?" Unknown to Lenalee, Anita had to gather all the food she was able, for the party the ship was having. The "farewell" party. There was enough rum to last them- all was well. But Anita didn't like not being able to tell Lenalee her intentions.

Snapping out of her daze, Lenalee jumped a little, "Oh, I'm sorry- I'll get right on it." Lenalee bounced across the ship happily, or at least, that was how she appeared. _Not_ thinking about Lavi turned out to be harder than she thought. But there was no need to get antsy on a simple trip to the sleeping quarters…it's not like _that time_ happened in there anyway.

_Getting each other's clothes off had been the hardest part. But once Lenalee's neck, shoulders and chest were exposed she knew Lavi would do the rest of the work. But not before he made his advance on her unprotected neck: biting and licking till she was practically w-_

"Ow!" Lenalee cried as she stubbed her toe on an uneven floor plank. Regaining what little composure she had left, Lenalee slowly (and a tad bit more cautiously) moved around the sleeping quarters. 'Who keeps potatoes in their bed anyway?' Lenalee wondered as she pulled out a sack of the illusive vegetable from under someone's pillow. But, after all, she had seen stranger things kept in a person's bed before.

_Lavi's headband lay forgotten, along with Lenalee's crutch as the two enjoyed each other. Lavi's hands danced around her breasts as she locked her legs around him tighter. But upon realizing Lavi still had most of his clothes on, (and that -much to Lenalee's dismay- included his pants) Lenalee tugged at Lavi's belt despite the jitteriness of her hands, as if to say, "Hurry up damn it." _

Lenalee stepped back out onto the deck, the slightly-too-cold breeze lifting what was left of her hair naughtily.

'Wrongwordwrongwordwrongword!'

No…this was not a good sign. Lenalee knew the more she thought about Lavi the less she could concentrate on the world at the current time. Not that she minded thinking about Lavi…constantly. It was just that Lenalee felt she might let something slip to the wrong person…namely, Bookman. (Miranda already knew, and before Lenalee had even said a word to her, the poor woman swore frantically that she would not tell a soul, so there was no problem there.)

'There's something seriously wrong with me.' Lenalee thought as she handed the sack of potatoes to Anita, who took them with a far-off look in her eyes that Lenalee failed to notice. There was no one Lenalee could talk to about her "situation," that that only made things worse. Then there was the ever-threatening "Panda-complex," as Lavi called it, which put more pressure on Lenalee than she knew what to do with. She was glad Lavi had made things between them seem less complicated than they really were, and she knew he was serious about this.

Was she finally referring to "this" as their relationship? Yeah…yeah she was.

'Take that Bookman.'

**Kobal: The next chapter will be longer- I SWEAR. **

**Kanda: It's not good to swear. **

**Kobal:…(Censored!) **

**Kanda: See you in Hell. Oh, isn't next chapter the last one? **

**Kobal: Mayyybe. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Kobal: Okay…for some reason I think this is my favorite chapter. Lenalee is kinda angsty and bitchy, but that makes it all the more fun to write. **

**Kanda: Mental institution. Now. **

**Kobal: You know, you are mentioned in this chapter. **

**Kanda: Che. **

**Disclaimer: Kobal in no way owns D. Gray Man. It's all in her mind. **

Es verletzt nur, wenn ich atme

Lenalee looked out at the disappointingly dull stars. Without them, the sky seemed so much darker, like a smothering smoke drowning the helpless stars in its wake. Lenalee had been told that nighttime was the most romantic time of the day. _Romantic! _Defiantly the wrong word. (Currently not one she wanted to hear at the moment, due to a certain idiot who she felt kept drowning _her_.)

There was nothing Lenalee wanted more than to hit him a second time; punch him as hard as she could- make him feel nearly _half_ the pain he had caused her. Half would be enough. Allen never made her cry like this. (When _did_ she start crying anyway?) Sure, she worried about Allen, enough to slap him…Kanda too. But with Lavi it was something different. It was an ache, in her heart, that felt like the butterflies in her stomach (that usually became extra rambunctious when he was around) had been set to flames. Burning, aching flames.

_Don't think about it. _Yeah, that never worked. It didn't matter what she told herself, or what she told Lavi for that matter, he always found a way into her being. Down to her core. And it hurt; it hurt like hell. He nearly killed himself…because of the Noah or not, because of Allen or not, because of her…it was all so unfair.

Lenalee could see the two flaming creatures Lavi summoned with his Innocence, taking down his own attack, taking down himself in the process. _Idiot! _He was more selfish than Allen, Lenalee decided. Lavi must know his life was-_is _worth more than that. Lenalee gritted her teeth and dug her fingernails into her locked palms. Didn't he realize what he was doing to her? He was just… (as Kanda would say) a stupid rabbit.

A giggle. A fucking _giggle_. Was her mind so easily distracted?

"Yo."

Lenalee whipped around, steadying herself on the suddenly slippery roof shingles. _Perfect. Of all the people. _Lenalee didn't know what she did to piss off Fate, but she knew she didn't deserve this. She didn't even have any words to say to Lavi now…here! On the roof of the Black Order, the place she fled to, hoping to get away from him! Still, no words; she just opened- then closed her mouth, trying to make her eyes look fierce. Purple is not a fierce color.

"Since you're all the way up here," Lavi said gently, "I assume you were trying to be alone?" –At the foul look on Lenalee's face he added- "Apparently, I was right." He grinned brightly. Lenalee was up here crying…and Lavi was _smiling _at her. Smiling! He shouldn't be smiling! He could've died! (If it weren't for Allen…he would have.) She could have lost him. _I could have lost Lavi._ The thought hit Lenalee so hard it hurt. It hurt more than loosing her Innocence, more than loosing her hair!

"Yeah, I wanted to be alone." Lenalee snarled. "You however, are making that quite impossible. Don't you have something better to do?"

Lavi frowned, sadly at her tone. "I…I just wanted to talk to you."

"Why!?" Lenalee cried. _(Those damn tears started again.)_ "Why the _hell_ would you think you have the right to come up here and act like nothing's wrong! Get away from me- I don't want to see you right now." Lenalee, her vocal cords aching already added softly, "You're hurting me too much, Lavi."

Lenalee had wanted to hit Lavi, to make him hurt like she did. But, for some reason, the look on his face…that was hurting her more than anything. It wasn't fair. The fact that Lavi could hurt her this way, yet how she could never get through to him, really wasn't fair.

"Lenalee," Lavi began, his voice, reaching an all time quiver, said painfully, "I'm…really, I- I'm really sorry!" Lavi grabbed Lenalee hard by her elbow and pulled her into an awkward embrace. Lenalee felt the shingles dig into the side of her knee as she was locked in place. She was trapped; shocked that Lavi had been so aggressive, direct and stupid. She was drowning. _He _was drowning _her_.

Slap.

Lenalee wasn't even trying that hard. One second she was in Lavi's arms, and the next, she felt Lavi's hot skin beneath her fingers as she pulled away roughly. Lenalee had single-handedly destroyed Lavi's reason for coming up here: to see _her, _to apologize to _her_, (Kanda had never done that) and it was killing her. What Lavi was doing to her, and what she must've been doing to him…it must have been killing them both.

Lavi didn't make an advance towards her after that. He just sat there, face hidden behind a mop of windblown, droopy, red hair. Lenalee had always thought that, when the happy, cheerful people like Lavi got sad, the entire world seemed to get a little bit darker. But now, seeing Lavi in _so much pain_…it was like a blackout: a slaughtering of every innocent star in the sky- in Lenalee's world. Her world was black.

Would it always be like this? If she stayed here, with Lavi, for as long as she was able…would there always be this kind of pain?

Lenalee pondered this as she, -yes, but slowly- moved closer to Lavi.

Would they ever happy?

Progress by inches.

What about Bookman?

The pain in her knee brought on by the shingle was gone.

What about "not having a use for a heart?"

Her shoulders stung from being in her crouching position.

He was the successor of Bookman- nothing else.

Lenalee could feel his raggedy breath on her face.

She was a servant of God, someone who would give her life if necessary to protect the world- nothing else.

Lenalee dragged her wounded knee up so it curled around Lavi's waist possessively.

She was going to have to explain this to her brother, or else Komui was going to kill him for this.

Lenalee kissed him. Bitter yet full of passion- painful yet full of love. Was there any other way to describe it? No, probably not. There was no way to describe the way Lenalee felt right now, (Lavi had that effect on her.) Normally, it would have hurt: to know that they were both drowning…in each other. To know that this _thing_ would cause waves of trouble for everyone- starting with them.

But that was just fine. Peachy, in fact. The term "I don't give a shit" certainly came to Lenalee's mind. Lavi would hurt her- no doubt she had hurt him. Hell, Lenalee was like a spiked ball, crashing into everything, hurting every thing/one she crashed into. But still…this way, (Lavi's hands running down Lenalee's arms, down her thighs, making her flushed and teary at the same time. And Lenalee's gentle nipping at the corner of Lavi's lips, with the playful flickering of her tongue) they weren't hurting each other. _Not yet anyway. _

Right now, Lavi was here, with Lenalee. A caring kiss under Lenalee's left eye told her there had never been malicious intent involved. Just a desire to stop the fighting, stop the pain he was causing her. The kind that comes from worrying. The distracting kind that makes the butterflies in your stomach catch fire, when they should be flying for delight, love, kindness, devotion, passion, (obvious) infatuation, excitement, or any other kind of warm feeling being around a certain person can bring about.

_No more distractions_. Lenalee thought as she reached up and touched Lavi's cheek affectionately. His beautiful green eye assuring her it must have been one hell of a distraction for her to fall in love with him in the first place, in the way that genuinely happy, cheerful people like Lavi had mastered perfectly.

A giggle. A ringing, delighted, secure, painless giggle.

**Kobal: Originally, I had intended to make this the final chapter, but I guess I'll wait and see if my new Muse, Kanda, will give me any other ideas. **

**Kanda: (Censored,) (censored,) (censored!) **

**Kobal: Anyway, this was actually the first chapter I wrote, and I thought to myself, "Hey, how about making more?" this was the result; it is also the reason that this chapter has a totally different feel to it than any other chapter, sorry about that. It's all Kanda's fault. **


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